anxiety and songs

today we talked about how the new music added a clear sense of the anxiety that exists in the work. while I can't deny that existence - anything we make in these times about ourselves is likely to be anxious, but what I love(d) about the work is that there was a feeling of peace with anxiety... or at least it didn't make me anxious, it made me feel good - not in any easy way but in terms of the proposals it made about how to be. CD mentioned the other day that comfort and discomfort are on a spectrum and there is actually some beautiful spaces that live in the in-between. Not quite uncomfortable, not quite comfortable. The show really lives in that space for me (as do most shows I really like). I bring this up only in relation to the pleasure I feel with the work around anxiety. That it's not a simple pleasure.

So all of this is to say that bringing in an element that fore-grounds the anxiety of the piece makes me feel more anxious (go figure) and that this isn't the most satisfying choice for me (of course, it's not my show, so I may just have to deal) -

this all relates to the p.s. from yesterday. Prior to today (the composer arrived) we'd been working with music the performers brought in, with it being explicit that it should be stuff they wanted to listen to. Mostly, then, it was pleasurable music, sometimes guilty pleasure pop music, sometimes more indie, but still in the "not art music" category. This music I enjoyed immensely. I enjoyed watching the performers listening to it, dancing to it. Even, especially, when the choices were guilty nostalgia choices.

these preferences are not exclusive to the current work - it's true of my own practice as well and to the shows I see. I used to work exclusively with new music made especially for the work. Practical issues made this impossible (I moved away from my composer friends and didn't have any money or know anyone in my new town - and grew fatigued by cross country collaborations) and now I don't know if I would could go back. I like needle drop, and pop-ish, non art music needle drop in particular.

So my question is - is this just my hang-up? do I rely on this easy context, or is there something more to it? I justify it by thinking about it as counter to the "seriou

(oh for f*cks [why do I feel that I should make u=*?] sake, just lost a bunch that I wrote cause it wouldn't publish. I take back all the nice things I said about blogger. will try to recreate, but surely fail)

"seriousness" of the work. That it helps humanize the work by showing that us snobby avant gardists like a good pop tune with great hook. That it re-contextualizes both the work and the pop song itself.

And I like it. I like that they're songs not "music" that they have beginnings and middles and ends that I can recognize, that they have lyrics. I can and do appreciate serious art music (I realize I sound anti-art and reactionary, but you'll have to believe that I'm not, or maybe I am and I have to deal) but when I comes down to it, I don't want to listen to it. This kind of mainstream preference is also there in movies, in a slightly different form - I like serious films but am more likely to rent and especially to go to mainstream Hollywood flicks.

not really going anywhere, except to note this is one of the places I get in twists of doubt to whether my personal preferences are right and rigorous or lazy and counter-revolutionary (to make way too much out of it, but in bad moments, honest)

for future reference: the collapse of time when more than one person is on stage

for the record: I imagine the audience of this blog to be one person who I don't know and never reveals that they are reading (though if you are, feel free) - this feeling allows me to write in a different way and I appreciate that... so whoever you are, thanks.